Stop Taking Other People's Pencils, Part 2

My post last week about my struggle to stop taking other people's stuff created some fun conversations. Thank you for reading, responding, and engaging. I realized that I'm perhaps taking on other people's stuff because it's largely preferable to tackling my own stuff, which is buried beneath a pile of self loathing and deflection. I am starting to learn to sift through what's preferable to get to what's essential for my own wholeness. This isn't particularly fun work, but I feel like I'm onto something huge, and that it will lead me to an expansive place of freedom and joy. But first, some work.I have found it freeing to stop and consider whether or not I'm taking on someone else's struggle when I'm actually with them, versus simply sitting with them as they struggle.But what I've found to be especially challenging is later, when my mind begins to bubble and churn. All of a sudden, I have a handful of pencils again, even though the person isn't even there. I can have an imaginary conversation for several minutes before I'm even aware that I have a handful of pencils again. This is making me crazy.So I'm trying this experiment. When someone's face comes to mind, or someone else's issue shoves its way into my consciousness, instead of immediately turning it over and interacting with it, I imagine myself smiling at that person or that situation, leading them to a room in which Jesus is sitting. When we get to the door, I look at them, and I say, "grace and peace to you, my friend," and then I leave them in the room with Jesus, shutting the door and walking away.Now, I'm quick to add this does not mean that I'm dismissive of people when I'm with them. It just means that when I'm with them, I'm trying to bring a different quality to the conversation. Instead of providing an empty backpack for them to insert their own issues, or an empty hand into which they can keep putting pencils, I'm trying to picture myself sitting in a room in which Jesus is sitting with them and me. Because it turns out Jesus is far more patient, joyful, and able to carry their particular burdens than I am. This is much more loving and much more helpful than me trying to fix them or provide empty solutions when I myself have a backpack full of my own stuff that needs transforming.This is helping me to listen with less judgment. It's helping me to be hopeful and trusting versus straining to be something for somebody which I am fearful that I cannot be. And when judgment creeps in - and it does - "grace and peace, my friend." As I do this, I am finding that Jesus is imminently more patient, joyful, and able to carry my own burdens than anybody else is.In it together, my friends.