The Problem with "My Time"

It snuck up on me.I didn't realize I was carving up my life into sections, hoarding energy, and fiercely protecting my time. You know what I mean: My time is when I get to do what I want to do. It's when the kids are in bed, the meeting isn't happening, and I'm in charge.I didn't realize that I was fiercely protecting my time like a toddler protects a new toy. This is TODDLER MODE.From time to time, when Mary senses I'm in TODDLER MODE, she'll ask, "What do you think you need right now?" I usually get irritated, because it reveals that I don't really know what I need (and that she knows that I don't know what I need). How do you get in touch with what you really need?Asking for what you need is about touching your limits, knowing when to stop, and knowing where to go to get what you need. This is not selfish, it's the only way you'll have anything to give anyone. It's about sometimes saying no, refusing to be everything to everyone, and knowing yourself. It's about knowing that you are one person, you weren't meant to be everything, and you can't do it all. And that is the difference between asking for what you need, and fiercely protecting my time. Asking for what you need is about trust. Fiercely protecting my time is about scarcity. And scarcity will always bring us right into TODDLER MODE.The weird thing is that when I'm in TODDLER MODE, when I finally get my time, I'm anxious, restless, and edgy. I try to read a book, but that's not it. I watch a show, but that's not it. Then I realize that I have wasted my time and I get frustrated, knowing that the clock is ticking and soon I'll be plunged back into everyone else's time. So here's what I'm trying to do: When I notice that I'm in TODDLER MODE and I'm treating the people I love the most as if they're the people I have to work really hard to tolerate the most, I am trying to stop. Stop whining, stop acting like a victim, stop treating the world as if it is conspiring against me.Then I'm trying to ask myself what I really need. Instead of the usual numbing suspects of shows, twitter, and beer, what is it that will bring me back to equilibrium? Many times, it's not actually a month in Ireland, like I think I need. Many times, it's five minutes without my phone, away from the chaos, so that God can whisper to me that it's okay, I'm okay, and there is enough.Lastly, it's about communicating to the people around me what I need, and asking if it's okay that I go and get that. Sometimes, I need to wait. But the people in my life are pretty good about helping me get what I need. I'm responsible for asking for what I need, and it's nobody else's job to make sure that I ask for it - and get it - but mine.What do you do when you get into TODDLER MODE? What helps you to get what you actually need?Photo Source