So there we were, at mile four of the Twin Cities Marathon, cheering for our friends and the rest of the lunatics who were punishing their bodies for 26.2 miles. It was so fun to be out there with Mary and the boys. We high-fived the runners, grew hoarse cheering for them, and then went to our favorite bakery for breakfast. It was such a fun morning with my family.
Except for the fact that I was supposed to be running it.
Earlier this summer, I got pneumonia, and it was scary. I had never been that sick before, and it took me completely out of my training for the marathon. When I could finally run again, I think I made it about 100 yards before I had to stop. I remember feeling like a beginner again, but not in the good way. I hated that feeling; hated telling my body to do something, and having it shout back at me that it could not.
So I did not run the marathon this year.
I couldn’t.
I am running again, but my lungs are still recovering, and it’s much harder than it ought to be. I keep acting as if I can just try to run faster, and harder, and I’ll return to form. But it’s not like that. Pneumonia is nasty, and I am told that it can take up to a year before your lungs are repaired.
And I haven’t written on this blog since who knows how long. I love this blog, love the community that has gathered around it, and love the discipline of putting my thoughts and observations out there in actual words, to actual people. I kept wanting to write posts, kept feeling like I needed to sit down and pound one out. But here’s the thing:
I couldn’t.
I am planting a church (which has been surprisingly fun mixed with the all the requisite insecurity and fear), and I am also trying to finish a manuscript for a book that I’ll be publishing with NavPress in early 2016 (which elicits perhaps even more insecurity and fear). So every spare minute of my time has gone towards writing that book and planting that church.
So I haven’t written much here. I am not sure how much I’ll be able to write until my manuscript deadline (October 31) is in the rear view mirror. So have patience with me as I catch up to myself. I love this blog. I’ll continue to write on it. I love that you read it and I feel like somehow we’re in it together, you and me and us.
So here’s what I’ll offer: it’s good to touch your edges from time to time, to realize that you are not limitless. It’s good to know that you cannot keep cranking it out (and you’re not supposed to), and that you are not a machine. I hate that all of that is true, but it is.
You are an actual person. And so am I.
For me, living my life as is, and not as if right now means that I am narrowing and focusing; I’m saying some yeses and saying some nos. I’m tired. But I’m realizing that God can be with me in those tired places, helping me to slow down – and stop. I’m cheering sometimes rather than running right now.
You are not limitless. You can stop. Sometimes, it’s good to admit that you couldn’t.
In it together.
Zufaellig bin ich auf eure Seite gelandet und muss sagen, dass mir diese vom Design und
den Informationen richtig gut gefaellt.
Good to see you back dude. Keep up the training it’ll come good soon. Am also looking forward to the book coming out.
“it’s good to touch your edges from time to time, to realize that you are not limitless. It’s good to know that you cannot keep cranking it out (and you’re not supposed to), and that you are not a machine”
Such timely words for me to hear today, and thank you for being an example of that. Having the wisdom to say no is often more difficult than saying yes for those of us with ‘machine like tendencies’. So looking forward to your book!
I’ve totally missed your blog, but once again, you say exactly what I need to hear! We really are all in this together, and I am so grateful for your continual reminder of that. You also remind me that simply being who we are and giving what is ours to give is what God wants of us and for us. So blessings to you as you focus on your priorities. I’ll be here whenever you come back this way.
I didn’t know you were ill. Prayers that God will strengthen and heal you and use this time for you to grow deeper in Him. I had missed your posts!
I don’t know you, Steve, but I love the honesty of your writing. Thank you for this affirmation that we all have limits and that sometimes it’s actually good to stop.
Well said, or, well written. I am a 72 year old woman, who
has a hard time accepting that I am, indeed, 72 years old.
But my body constantly reminds me of the fact. And I am
learning that it is okay to say, “No, I am not able to do…”
whatever is requested. I ask God for strength when I feel
like I cannot accomplish some task I need to do, and for
the wisdom to make the right choices. I have had many
health issues to deal with, and also a cancer survivor…
we need to care for our bodies as much as we care for
other people. One of my sons is a pastor, and I know
how stressful his life can be at times.
Steve, you give so much down to earth food for thought. Even when you’ve hit your limits we are still learning from you!
I praise God that he uses you to inspire me as I ponder through all (the curve balls) of life.
Praying for even more patience for you as you continue to recover.
Hi Steve,
My life continues to teach me that so often success is not about overcoming your limitations, but rather learning how to live well within them. I’ve had to stop seeing them as hurdles and start seeing them as a protective fence. Limitations are an effective teacher, however unpopular! I’m cheering loudly for your book and for the opportunity to take a nap, if you need it!
Jenny
Good message and one I think every parent needs from time to time. We all have so much on our plates and want to say yes to every request and be uber parents and phenomenal employees and just do, do, do. It gets exhausting and then we (or at least I) fault ourselves for not being perfect at everything all of the time and keeping up with the perfect people around us. Thank you for reminding me it is okay to stop and just be sometimes. Love the picture of you and your beautiful family. I am so glad you are healing and love hearing about your new church and book. Exciting times! Remember, yourself to stop when you need to. We want you around for the long haul!
Yep.
Miss you Steve.
I’m so sorry to hear about your illness, and so glad to hear that you are recovering, even if it is slowly. I have missed your blog posts, but will continue to wait patiently to pick up the posts you can make time for. Building a church AND writing a book AND parenting three boys?!?! You deserve a little rest. Best wishes to you. Waiting patiently now……
So glad to hear that you are feeling better. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to heal. I LOVE your blog and hope to be able to link into your new church podcasts (I live in Canada, a little to far to appear at your church in person 🙂 ) I know God will help you find the strength that you need to slow down and go forward. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
Thanks Julie! Here’s the link to our podcasts: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/genesis-covenant-church/id904346673?mt=2
Wow! Thanks for all that you do and especially thanks for this post. I found some of my own edges this week and although you know you’re not alone in this when it happens, seeing it expressed in print is especially meaningful.
Thanks for reading, heather, and for connecting! Glad to be in it with you.
Thanks for the update. Have missed hearing from you, Steve I’m the lady from OD who has the 45 yr old son who is an ultra runner.. I just returned from AZ where he was entered in the Mogollon Monster 100 . It got cancelled at mile 51 due to severe weather. Agonizing decision for the race director. Michael was looking great at that point so it was a real mix of disappointment & relief. As you can imagine. He has had his share of set backs over the years & I have watched persevere & return to his love of running. You will do it. Bless you.
Gail – of course i remember you. And wow – what a heartbreak for your son, after all that training! And yes, the set backs are all part of the journey!
A little “yeah” when I saw the blog come in. It does remind me of the marathon because you wait for your friend, scream like crazy while they pass and then they’re gone in a flash. We moved 3 times so we’d wait again and create the same scene over again. In between we went to Patisserie 46 and pondered a Bloody Mary stop (we refrained) but knew all the while our friend was pounding out his miles. As you are in a different way. So we’ll wait to cheer you again! Where’s my cowbell?
🙂 Thank you soooo much, Tracy.
So good to hear from you! I’ve been missing your blog. Struggle, hope, glory. It’s all good, depending on if you’re looking in, forward or backward. Take care Steve. Hope to see you Sunday.
Thanks, Dawn! See you Sunday!
This is a great reminder. I, for one, will wait patiently until you have your legs under you again!
Thank you so much, Jennifer. (And I love the title of your last blog!)
Steve! I just wrote about this very thing on Tuesday! http://www.everydayawe.com/on-not-doing-it-all-or-why-i-havent-been-writing/
I’m sorry you are still recovering from illness. That stinks. But I thank you for being honest about your limits and writing about them here. I’ve always been impressed with your ability to do as much as you do.
I pray that in the midst of a season when you are up against the limit, you also feel Gods presence filling in all the open places over that edge.
Thanks Steph! I actually saw yours… sooooo good. Will I see you next Thursday??