In Minnesota where I live, we have seen 16 days in January where the temperature has plummeted below zero. We have had five school cancellations. In January. Five.
Parents. Are. Losing. It.
The first couple of cancellations were fun. “Enjoying the endless Christmas break with the kiddos!” we wrote on Facebook, as we snapped pictures of our kids, smeared in peanut butter (who cares!), covered in paint (art projects!) and clad in jammies (no laundry!) for days on end. We made silly videos. We were grateful for our lives.
But as this endless winter slowly marches on, this sinister cold snap has transformed our positivity into pure evil. We have become feral animals, snarling at school administrators and their stubborn insistence upon keeping our kids safe.
“Seriously?” we self-righteously scoff. “School was never cancelled when I was a kid, and I remember days when it was 100 below zero. One day it hit 200 below zero. You know what we did? We made a snow fort!”
We avoid Facebook now, because if we read about one more of our friends who is “still in bed at noon!” or “never leaving this blanket” or “reading a book,” our fragile psyches will shatter. And if anyone posts a picture from anywhere warm – God forbid it’s on a beach! – We will block them quicker than a school administrator cancels school.
Parents, today will not be pretty. But you can make it. You simply need to take the following survival guide very, very seriously.
1. Screen time regulations are OFF for today. When there are multiple school cancellations, God declares screen time to be good for your kids. Want to watch another Ninjago or Dora? Go for it! Brains will not rot, at least not today. You are exempt from screen time guilt.
2. Pick a friend who has been especially obnoxious about all of their free time spent underneath blankets while reading novels and sipping hot cocoa during this hellish cold snap, and drop your kids off at their house unannounced. Have they ever told you to let them know if you needed anything? Today is collection day, peeps. On your way out the door, throw two boxes of mac & cheese at their dog, and tell them you’ll be back by spring break.
3. No matter what your kids say to you or ask of you today, simply reply, “I know you are but what am I?” This tactic is somewhat controversial, but they know where the pantry is.
4. Make a video of what happens when you throw a mug of hot water off the deck. Seriously. It’s kind of awesome.
5. The answer is yes; it is 5:00pm somewhere, all day today. All. Day.
6. Play a prank on the parent that gets to escape and go to work today. They deserve it. Put all their underwear in the freezer. Put cayenne pepper in their coffee. Do an orchestrated spit take at breakfast. They get to be around adults today! Anything goes.
7. Randomly use the phrase “For British Eyes Only!” when anybody asks you a question, and don’t explain yourself. This will drive your kids absolutely crazy, which is fine, because it’s payback time. They’ve invaded your space for long enough. Your friends will think you’ve actually lost it, so they may leave their cozy, childless house to come and help you.
If you follow all seven guidelines, I promise you that you will make it through the day. Tomorrow, you will send your tinies off to school and all will be well (except of course for all the laundry and cleaning which you haven’t had time to do, but that’s tomorrow).
In it together, crazies.
Photo Source
Wer mehr macht, senkt zwar sein Sterberisiko weiter, aber nur
noch um zehn bis 15 Prozent.
Regelmäßige körperliche Bewegung hilft beim Abnehmen , weil dabei Kalorien verbraucht
werden.
Der positive Effekt einer solchen „ergänzenden bilanzierten Diät muss zudem wissenschaftlich belegt sein.
Nehme jetzt leider regelmäßig Medikamente
und bin trotzdem dabei, meinen Lebensstil zu ändern.
Es scheint also deutlich sinnvoller zu sein, sich Hobbys zu suchen, bei denen man in Bewegung bleibt,
als solche, die man sitzend erledigen kann.
Aber wenn 77% vor dem Fernseher essen und nur 15% es als akzeptabel ansehen, dann heißt
das aber auch dass vielleicht doch was damit nicht in Ordnung ist.
Reisewetter: Für einen Urlaub in Tschechien sind ähnliche Wetterbedingungen wie im benachbarten Bayern zu erwarten.
So generieren Sie aus den Neuigkeiten anderer wertvollen Aktivitäten von Ihnen.
What does the coffee mug say? This article is hilarious, and I am the teacher you send the kids back to!
k
Mug says “world’s okay-est mom”. 🙂
Where can I buy a mug like that?
I got mine from CafePress.com. Best coffee cup ever… absolute truth 🙂
You know it’s serious when even here in Talkeetna alaska we get school canceled could have 3ft of snow and still have school. I think someone ordered spring early because it’s been in the 20s and 30s for the last two weeks and that is above zero not below like normal btw we have ice and rain days not snow days
This is getting shared like crazy all over West Michigan where we are on our 5th snow day in a row today, plus the weekend! Our kids haven’t been to school since last Wednesday! God bless my husband who is a SAH Dad. I get to escape to work! Thanks for the laughs!
I have just one response: Texas in August. I can always add clothes in the winter, but somehow can never get cool even in the AC in the summer here. Personally: I’d rather have snow but I do understand how cabin fever sets in after a while. May you have many bright and sunny days ahead!
my site is down for maintenance btw- if you are curious- try next week! 🙂
And to think…… Teachers get to spend 8 hours a day with a room full of 30 of your kids that you all can’t wait to get rid of for the day tomorrow…..
🙂
Why put all their underwear in the freezer? Just throw it on the back steps. You can drive a nail with ’em!
I’m dying. This was so funny. I don’t have kids, and yes, I did get to be around adults all day, but I’m going to start screaming “For British Eyes Only” at random people on the street now, just because I can.
I’m also going to get one of those travel mugs that say “There’s a chance this is Vodka.” Because, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere all day and every day that the temperature doesn’t get above 0.
Minnesota, I love you, but sometimes I just don’t like you, and now is one of those times.
Well done Sir.
Since December 18. we have had: 2 two hour delays (one with an early pickup meaning 2 hours of school total that day) and three regular school days.
So including the break it’s 41 days with five in school.
Not including the break it’s 26 days. Wonder what tomorrow will bring!
What to do when the other parent is a teacher and off school as well???
Oh my gosh- this is SO perfect! We’ve had TEN snow days plus MLK day off since January 1 and with one of us a full time student and one of us a full time worker bee (at least I used to be in 2013)- it has been crazeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Add one child who cannot.stop.talking.ever and one who only speaks Whinese, it is a miracle I haven’t exploded from the levels of comfort food I have been ingesting (which isn’t by the way working, so I may go to that It’s 5:00 somewhere thing by breakfast tomorrow if they have one more day off.) Thank you for giving me a sorely needed belly laugh today!!
Whinese…hahahaha!
This is AWESOME!
One word: LOVE!
Love this! But what do you do if you’re a homeschooling mama? I have the kiddos All. The. Time. Arrrrgh! I frequently fantasize about hiding in the closet with something chocolate-y.
A) Somebody get this man a donut!!
B) Time to call the grandparents?
C) To stay sane on cold winter days…take long hot showers…alone…or preferably with your spouse…
D) Again, I say donuts…..with mimosas…or screwdrivers..
🙂 happy hunting!
Well I was going to be at MB learning from thee RHB this morning….of course that was cancelled. Basically I think you covered our topic Steve – A Rule of Life. It is clear you have sat under her teaching. Aren’t we blessed. (Repetition of a phrase – deepening work, especially in british accent. throwing things – exercising the body, dropping kids off, not helping them find food – being aware of our limitations. So spiritual.)
Let us rule the day.
“World’s Okayest Mom”. 🙂
This was humorous & helpful. Thanks!!
YES. Let screen time ring. Also see: limitless snacks and treats. Kids, if you have a question, the answer is yes. Thanks for the laugh this morning, Steve! Hang in there, warriors.
You know what these two snow days are? Karma. Christy just got back from an 8-day trip to Ethiopia, so now it’s her turn to spend all the time at home! LOL 🙂
You’re in fine form today, Steve. Love it. 🙂
I’m “escaping” to work! Seriously can’t wait to sip my hot coffee all alone in my cubicle.
I woke up this morning thinking, “At least the ceiling is clean.” So thanks for the needed humor in this house of three boys and one girl ages 3 to 10;)
“At least the ceiling is clean.” I almost spit my coffee. Love it!!!
Love it. I’m thinking the “I know you are…” tactic will work best. I imagine many teenage eye-rolls in response, and then a sudden absence of said teenager…which is kind of the plan.
Here, in Arkansas, it isn’t nearly that cold, though we are getting some decent looking snow for the first time, this morning. My kids aren’t in school yet, so I’m having the opposite problem from you folks up north: I wish I could go home from work and enjoy the flurry with the kiddos!
I love this so much! My method of survival this afternoon is going to the dentist. Yes, I’m looking forward to a dentist appointment because it means someone else will have my kids, I’ll be reclining in a massage chair (yeah, my dentist rocks), and I don’t have to talk to anyone under the age of 8 for over an hour. Livin’ it up! 😉