Everybody’s looking for a curriculum that will teach them how to live the life that’s really life.
So we write & buy books, we create elaborate life plans, we change our bodies, we change careers, we change families. We secretly read People Magazine, gazing and laughing and longing.
We change Everything. In search of Something.
What if your very own life, the one you actually live, is the curriculum that will most help you to become the beautiful, imperfect, integrated self that you long to become? All the shiny graduation moments alongside all the shameful secrets. All of it. What if the first step towards the life that’s really life, is to finally stop running?
To stop.
And to start embracing your life. The one you’re living, right now.
What if leaning all the way in to that life is what will most help you and heal you?
Leaning all the way in to your actual life is not accepting what is evil, or living with what is unacceptable. You begin things and end things. You make difficult decisions. Leaning into your life is owning your life. It’s not passive.
Owning your actual life means first that you embrace your story; the whole one with no shameful bald spot or gut wrenching regret left out. What if doing so creates a mosaic, that when put together and healed by God, becomes beautiful, and radiant? These people become a gentle, healing presence in the world. Honestly, more than making an impact or changing the world, what I most want to be is a gentle, healing presence.
Here’s the beautiful secret: Leaning into the curriculum of your actual life happens moment by moment; that’s all there is. And the more we learn to live our moments – not in some ridiculous carpe diem sort of way, which denies the pain of leaning into the incredibly difficult ones and just creates pressure – the more we understand that every moment is a beginning. The beautiful secret is that ours is a life of endless beginnings. And that’s what gives us grace when we inevitably reach for the thing that will take us out of the moment. Like waves rolling in, a new moment will crash on top of that moment, inviting us back to our actual lives, and they come with a single question: Will we live it?
Here is what Carlo Carretto writes, in Letters from the Desert:
“Joy or sadness, war or peace, love or hate, purity or impurity, charity or greed, all are tremendous realities which are the hinges of our interior life. Everyday things, relationships with other people, daily work, love of our family – all of these may breed saints.
Jesus at Nazareth taught us to live every hour of the day as saints. Every hour of the day is useful and may lead to divine inspiration, the will of the Father, the prayer of contemplation – holiness. Every hour of the day is holy. What matters is to live it as Jesus taught us.
And for this one does not have to shut oneself in a monastery or fix strange and inhumane regimes for one’s life. It is enough to accept the realities of life. Work is one of those realities; motherhood, the rearing of children, family life with all its obligations are others.”
What reality do you need to accept about your actual life? What gift of grace do you need to lean into it and live it?
“Honestly, more than making an impact or changing the world, what I most want to be is a gentle, healing presence.”
Humbled by these words… and quoted them in my most recent post (with a link to this blog). Thank you for being so open and honest in your blog!
Wow, thanks Beth Ann!
Steve
Been following your blog on the advice of my daughter. Great insights into the “ordinary” Christian life – the ususal and customary. So much hype around us today.
I appreacitat the call to lean into the life God has given us.
Roy – thank you for “getting” what I’m trying to do! Yes, far too much hype. Thanks so much for reading!
I left the established church a few years ago. Since then God has lead many of us down a difficult but thrilling path. We have all learned SO much about our deepening relationship with God. We have also learned so much about ourselves. Your post this morning spoke to me, in the painful situation that I find myself in, so profoundly. For that I thank you ….. (wish you were our pastor too!) As I live on the south coast of England I do thank Father for the invention of the WWW!!
Would love to hear more of your story. So glad my writing is connecting with some of what your “tribe” is thinking about and doing with God! Thank you so much for reading!
I’m really glad you’re our pastor, Steve.
🙂 it’s really and honestly my pleasure. Thank you for the encouragement, Joanna!
Steve,
I especially loved your conclusion:
Honestly, more than making an impact or changing the world, what I most want to be is a gentle, healing presence.
How did you come to realize that?
Honestly, Jenny, by spending a whole lot of time wanting to change the world and make a huge impact. That just sounds tiring to me. The kinds of people I’ve been most drawn to these days (Jean Vanier, etc) have all been gentle and quiet.
I hope you’re realizing Steve, like I slowly am, that being a healing presence in another person’s life, like Jean Vanier has been to so many, is what really makes a difference in the world: one conversation, one hand being held, one tear shed at a time. I think I want the same thing you want, but I could not have articulated it until I read this blog post. Thank you for your thoughtful words.
It’s amazing that you write this. My blog says something very similar today. Its called Just Be In It. Check it out if you have a chance. More voices singing the same tune makes the choir more powerful and beautiful.
This is really wonderful. Thank you. I seem to find my way at the beginning… often. And most often wonder why instead of, How GREAT! I like the idea of pieces put together to make a greater whole. A composition of everything. A mosaic of ones life. What I don’t understand is… Healed by God. If one finds themselves in the worst or the worst of places, how does this one become healed by God. How do you ask for forgiveness? understanding? compassion? I mean, when do you know its working?
I am trying to lean into my life more, be actually there in each moment, savor what needs savoring, feeling what needs felt. I like the idea of life as curriculum. We are slowly becoming, with our God-given lives as our teacher. Love it!
The part of my life that has been so difficult to accept has been the “ending” part. The end of a dream, end of a ministry, end of a life I had thought would be. The wave of a new beginning came crashing over all too suddenly. The flailing of legs and arms, the feeling of drowning, the loss that came with the wave of “this is your new life” has left me struggling with words like “accept.” I didn’t want a new reality, but here it is.
I am just beginning to make the shift. To breathe a little easier and ease into my actual life. It’s not all desert, for sure, but the loss shattered just about everything I thought I knew about life and faith.
The grace I need to lean into is that it’s ok for me to still be grieving. No amount of good in my current reality with erase the ache of loss. This is not where my soul will be forever. The healing of the heart will happen. It is happening. And the schooling I have received is irreplaceable. I haven’t sorted it all out, but I know my soul is deeper.
Thank you for adding to the conversation so eloquently and with such honesty. You can write! Thank you.
Thank you so much for this timely post. God has me on a journey to accept my life just as it is, and I have been fighting it…trying to make it my ideal. Through the following quote, you put into words what I couldn’t. This is my heart’s cry…”Honestly, more than making an impact or changing the world, what I most want to be is a gentle, healing presence.” I know people who have this presence about them, and I have longed to have the same impact in my own little world. Now I have a greater understanding of how these people became who they are; they embraced the life God has given them. So powerful…
This is powerful. I would love to hear how you do this in the context of church life. I feel like I’m becoming more accepting of myself and my story…but at church, I hide. My experiences with church people have been so painful…I feel like I have two options: just give up. Leave the church. Or fake it when you’re there. Pretend to be that churchy person who never swears or yells at her kids.
Taffy – what a beautiful question: how do we live this way at church, when perhaps there has been so much pain? This is something I’d actually like to write about, so stay tuned. Thak you for the courageous ans beautiful question!
I will definitely stay tuned! Your writing is a breath of fresh air. I also just finished reading, “Daring Greatly,” a book that has challenged me in so many ways. I love reading your insights about it!
Yes, there is so much pain in church, and yet…I keep going back…because for every bitter, mean, judgemental person I’ve encountered in The Church, I’ve met at least a dozen more who have laid down their lives to care about this messed up world we’re in.
I think I’ve met the meanest people at church and the kindest, most amazing people.
I pray I can be a part of the latter!!
Yes!! I pray I can be one of the kind ones, too. Thanks Taffy.
I love the idea of life as curriculum. There is truth in every season – a lesson to discover from each event and relationship. Transformation through parenting. Healing through sacrifice. Freedom as I accept my own limitations and learn to depend on God. When my own life feels small, I need to remember I hear God in the ordinary and see Him in the routine. If I can meet God at the kitchen sink even washing dishes becomes a holy occasion. Thanks for such a thoughtful post.