Are you willing to hear it?
The essential thing. The real thing. The true thing. Chances are, if you would give those closest to you the chance, they would tell you that thing you really need to hear. Because of the armor that we wear, it probably won’t come unless we ask for it.
So are you willing to ask for it?
A great way to get this kind of feedback is to simply ask, “How are you experiencing me these days?”
When I’ve had the courage to ask my trusted few people this question, I’ve gotten some great gifts. One time, a person I work with told me that he experiences me as impatient. In meetings, he told me I’m like the guy who keeps honking his horn and riding his bumper, even though everybody knows that the traffic isn’t moving. Ouch. But once I saw it, I could move towards a different way of being.
When you hear the essential thing, notice where you’re defensive, and wonder what you’re trying to defend, & why. Ask yourself what you’re trying to protect. Maybe you can let it go! And then thank the person for having the courage to say it.
Just try not to punch them in the mouth.